AT LEAST...

You know those perfect lives you see… the ones in public, or on social media. You know how they’re all picture perfect, with their pretty little people and their pretty little pictures… ughh, I actually get exhausted just thinking about them. I want to BE them. Obviously, I’m not. Guess what… that’s absolutely freaking okay.

For me, life is hard. It’s hard to get through each moment of each day. That’s okay. Not everyone was meant to be a bubbly, picture perfect example of life. You want to know what’s not okay? Comparing yourself to these ideals of life! Guess what, every single person in life has difficulties. The difficulties will more than likely be different than yours, they may be things that you think aren’t difficult, and they may be things you don’t think you could ever handle. Just understand this – everyone likes to air their greatness, no one likes to air their defeat. This took me a long time to understand. I’m guilty of allowing the picture perfectness of others to affect my own personal beliefs about myself and my life. I was in a really dark, depressed, and scary place. To be honest, there were times I didn’t want to continue existing. Yes, that kind of dark and scary place. The good news is, I got through it! With only two little words, I managed to scrape and crawl my way out of my most darkest times.

AT LEAST

That’s it, really. Some people call it finding a positive. Others call it being grateful. At that time in my life, positive and grateful weren’t words I could comprehend. AT LEAST. Those were words that somehow made it through the little cracks in my dark world. Those were the words that slapped me in the face and made me realize that my life, as dark and scary as it was, was worth living. No, my life wasn’t great. It wasn’t even good at that point. However… AT LEAST it was MY LIFE. I had a life. Having a life meant I had options and opportunities.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still not where I’d like to be in life. AT LEAST I’m not where I was. I’d like to challenge you to find the AT LEAST in your life. Being an adult and doing life is hard. It can get to the best of us. When you’re down, defeated, and just exhausted – find the AT LEAST!

I’m always broke – AT LEAST I have a roof over my head.

My car is old and crappy – AT LEAST it’s still running.

I always have to say no when invited out – AT LEAST I have food to eat at home.

Everything in my life seems to be against me – AT LEAST I’m alive!

Changing your attitude and lifestyle is a HUGE and difficult choice. It’s not an overnight process. When we are so focused on pointing out the negatives, trying to be positive and grateful can be overwhelming. Instead of backing down or giving up, just look for your AT LEAST. Everyone has one. I promise you, even the homeless, jobless, lost soul has an AT LEAST. Start off small, find your AT LEAST just once a day. You’ll soon find yourself finding an AT LEAST to everything. Then maybe, just maybe, you’ll become that annoyingly positive person that you’re always complaining about. You may realize that the positive person isn’t actually annoying – you were just envious of what you thought was their picture perfect...

#MuchLove #KindnessAlways #FindYourAtLeast

Letting Go

Grief – sorrow, misery, sadness, anguish, pain, distress, heartache, heartbreak, agony, torment, affliction, suffering, woe, desolation, dejection, despair.

“Grief is a multifaceted response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something that has died, to which a bond or affection was formed.” You guessed it; this CSA will revolve around grief. Particularly, the grief of your life lost. This isn’t in the sense that you physically die. I’m talking about the life that you’ve known, have grown accustomed to, no longer existing. The loss of the life you had planned out, the life you’ve been working towards for so long.

More times than not, we associate grief with the physical loss of life, and not the emotional loss. We understand that there is a process for grief when mourning the loss of a physical life. We are more accepting of another person’s grief when we can link it to physical death.  The thing is, we (as in we as a society, or just you as a person) need to get better at recognizing and understanding a person’s grief that isn’t related to a physical death.

Have you ever experienced the break-down of your emotions? Have you ever felt frozen, or stuck, at some point? I’m talking about being physically unable to move or even think. Chances are, if you’ve ever been dealt a blow from life, you know what I’m talking about. If not, imagine the reaction you have (or would have) if you received news that your absolute best friend suddenly passed away unexpectedly. You will more than likely experience shock, disbelief, and yes – grief.

This same feeling occurs when life deals you an unexpected blow. In this instance, I’m referring to the end of a toxic relationship. Whether it’s your marriage, a platonic relationship, or a familial one, the end of these relationships generally bring about the same feelings of disbelief and grief. I personally witnessed the break-down of an individual in this regard over the weekend. After many, many years (longer than I’ve been an adult), a marriage is ending. A life, in essence is ending. The life that this individual has known for the past 25-30 years has come to a point where it no longer exists. The life that this individual had planned out for his/her future is no longer within reach.

Now, for some of us (myself included), it’s easy to say just pick-up the pieces and start over. Yes, this would be an easier thing for someone like me to do – I mean, I’ve had to restart and reinvent my life more times than I’d like to admit. Starting over, for someone who has lived the same life for decades, isn’t nearly as easy. Hell, it may not even seem do-able at this point. Think about this – the individual not only is mourning the loss of their marriage and life, they are forced to learn and decide who they are as an individual – NOT A MARRIED INDIVIDUAL. I for one can tell you figuring out who you are and who you want to be is not an easy thing. Seriously, I’ve had to brainstorm my life and what I wanted it to be to the point of my freaking head wanting to explode. I’m pretty sure at some point my heart actually died or moved the hell out on to some other, less f*@%ed up location. Now imagine having to figure out who you are and what your life is going to be like after who you have been for the past 30 years no longer exists...

This individual is faced with having to do even the most mundane daily tasks differently. He/she will have to now make decisions on their own – not something they were used to doing. Let’s not forget – the loneliness. God, the loneliness is unbearable.

As usual, this CSA is going to request that you put yourself in the shoes of others. Let’s do better to at trying to understand and empathize (NOT SYMPATHIZE) with everyone – especially those that are experiencing a period of grief. Let’s be more compassionate, be more encouraging. BE KIND. Before you so quickly pass judgement (and yes – this will be another CSA topic at some point), stop and consider (and so will consideration…) what another person is dealing with. Grief is such a complex and ever-changing experience. It’s different for nearly everyone, yet follows the same basic pattern – no matter the cause. Remember, if you’re going to offer advice (and I suggest you don’t, just offer support) please make sure it’s not the same old ‘just pick-up the pieces and move forward.’

So, to sum this up – the moral to this story is #Don’tBeAnAsshat. Shocker, right!?!

Compassion, understanding, kindness, and most importantly – LOVE. These are the tools for support that anyone grieving will need from you. Not your shallow, vague piece of advice to just move on.

Much Love!

#LettingGo #KindnessAlways

Giving Away My Sanity...

Ok, so this one is definitely a personal one for me – I allow other people and situations to make me lose my cool more often than I should. We are all guilty of this, we are human after all. Here’s the thing, WE are supposed to be in control of our own happiness. We are supposed to be in control of our attitudes and our emotions. Unfortunately, we aren’t always so great at being in control of ourselves.

For instance, I’m currently experiencing a Monday to beat all Mondays. Everyone I talk to seems to be in some sort of mood that requires them to respond with some sort of ridiculousness. Whether they are telling me that they don’t read the emails I send, or that they have no idea what they will have completed by a deadline, or just that they have already sent what I’m asking for so I have no reason to be asking for it – no matter that what was sent is incorrect. I will admit, to this point of my day I’ve been in a major WTF mood. It just hit me though, I just had a conversation regarding letting others take away your sanity. Rather, handing your sanity over to others.

In the conversation mentioned above, it seemed a simple solution – don’t let a child have your sanity. You’re the adult, they are the child. When necessary, discipline must be used to ensure that the child follows the rules and doesn’t manipulate people and/or situations to their own agenda. I realize now that maybe that isn’t as easy as it seems. When it comes to children, rules and expectations MUST be made clear. This is especially important when changes in the rules and expectations occur. Once these things are made clear to the child, there must be discipline in place to enforce the rules. Your choice of discipline is up to you, not one thing works for everyone. Trial and error is usually the only way to figure out what works for you.The one thing to remember is that NO child should ever have the ability or the power to hold your sanity in their hands.

Now, for the situation I first recalled – it should be as easily resolved. Yes, I know that not everyone works, reacts, and behaves the same way. Guess what, that’s not my problem or yours. What is my problem is the foul mood that I’ve allowed to surface because of the actions of others. It’s ok to not agree with the behavior and responses of those I’ve had to deal with. No two people will agree all of the time. What’s not ok is allowing the actions of others to change my actions and/or mood. So how do I keep from handing my sanity off to others? Well, for me, I take a break. I take a step away from the situation. Also, while I’m away from the situation, I ask God for help. Usually I’m only able to utter two words: Jesus HELP! This works for me. It may not work for you. Maybe you don’t pray, maybe you don’t talk to God (or don’t believe in Him) – that’s perfectly fine also. Still, take a break. Step away for a moment or two. Take some deep breaths, count to 85 (sometimes 10 just isn’t enough), close your eyes and remind yourself that you are a complete badass and more than capable of handling anything AND keeping your cool.

The difficult lesson here is that we are all guilty of giving our sanity away to others. We need to remember that our happiness is a choice we make. Happiness is something we decide ahead of time. We must be aware when people and situations are affecting our mood and happiness. We must actively try to keep from giving our sanity away. Mainly, because if you give away your sanity to someone else, they are more than likely going to keep it…

Much love!

#KeepYourSanity #KindnessAlways