The Extinction We Never Heard Of

Can someone please tell me what happened to courting? Do you even remember courting? You do know courting, right? In the romantic sense, I mean: courting - to seek the affections of; woo; to seek another's love.  I was never notified that the idea was extinct. There was no news bulletin, no FB post, no mass email or text message. Courting just became extinct while we were busy figuring out who we are and what we want out of life. We were too busy being selfish to realize that courting was slowly fading away, and like all great things, we don’t seem to notice its absence until it’s completely gone.

I’m trying to understand at what point this ‘dating’ thing became acceptable to our (my) generation. I’ve been told for a couple of years now to give online dating a try (since I’m not for meeting someone in a club or bar). I’ve been told to put myself out there (apparently I’ve become some sort of merchandise that I must market to the masses to find out if there are any interested parties). Well, I decided to take the advice of those who like to shyly remind me of my horrific single status. (Did you get that?) What I’ve found is that the idea of courting, something a hopeless romantic like myself still finds appealing, has become extinct. I’m still trying to figure out why this information was never made public. Here’s what I’ve found…

My generation of individuals have come to the conclusion that it’s perfectly acceptable to assume that a first date should take place at my residence (!) so that we can relax, watch a movie and get to know one another. I apologize, WHAT?!? Call me stubborn, call me a prude, or better yet – call me OLD FASHIONED. A first date does NOT include some strange person I don’t know coming over to my house to do who knows what to me or my home. Even more interesting is the fact that the suggestion of said first date is brought up the very first time we converse. What about me, after a five minute conversation, screams, “Hey, why don’t you just come on over right now?”

Also seemingly acceptable is the audacity of an individual to pry into my sexual life after asking if my name really is Aja. Hmm, I don’t even really know how to word my response. Let’s see, once again I apologize for finding this ridiculous. Please refer to the previous list of names that I approve of you calling me. Here’s my answer to your very probing and intimate questions – My level of freakiness is not of your concern at this time. How many times a day I want to have you “beat it up” is now zero. As for all of the other inappropriate questions, well, the non-disclosure I had to sign during my time at the Bunny Ranch prohibits me from discussing this information. Oh, and by the way, no. My name is really Antarctica, but Aja is oh so much easier to spell. WTH!

My all-time favorite are those people who put that they are looking for a long-term, serious relationship. The ones that want to find someone to marry. To those of you that blatantly lie in your profile – STOP. You’re not going to meet your future wife by starting off with this behavior. If in fact you are only looking for someone to make you feel good right now, this instant, with no threat of an actual relationship – please make the quick trip to Nevada. However, if you’re not able to afford that trip (the girls are more expensive than the flight and hotel combined), try one of those old school chat lines.

I guess my point in all of this is… well I’m not really sure. I just think that maybe if we as people took the time to actually get to know the person we are interested in, we wouldn’t be a generation of complete horn balls running around trying to find our next fix.

Try asking meaningful questions. Find out what my likes and interests are. Put some thought into our first meeting. If you’re not able to muster up that much energy, the played out dinner and a movie will do. At least you’re trying to make an effort. And before you throw out that tired old FWB approach, don’t. I have friends, and I’m sure if I needed the benefits, a few would be more than happy to oblige.

Now ladies, don’t go screaming Amen just yet. These fools didn’t just decide that this is how they will approach dating. We have to take responsibility for our part in this. We need to stop making this behavior acceptable. We have to realize our worth before we can expect anyone else to. Stop pretending that this sort of behavior is cute or welcome. Be a strong woman and stand up for what you want and what you believe in. I’m sure I’ve upset quite a few people on POF, and that’s fine with me. I don’t want a relationship with someone who is only after my lady parts and not ALL of me.

Relationships fall apart because the two involved aren’t willing to work through their differences (most of the time). If you’re not willing to work at trying to get to know someone, then you sure aren’t going to stick around when the real relationship trials begin.

Courting, please come back. We are in desperate need of your return!!

Actions vs. Intentions (inspired by Lindsey)

Here’s the thing… If you know me, if you follow the randomness that I write, if you take the time to talk to me about just about anything, what I’m about to write about will come as no surprise. If, however, you haven’t had the amazing opportunity to meet me (I’m really not so self-absorbed, quite the opposite – just keep reading), you’ll know what sort of person I am after reading this.

I find that we are in an era of spreading love, kindness, compassion and general good will towards others. Well, at least we like to say we are. Remember when you were younger, maybe you’re early adulthood, when those with a bit more life experience than you would kindly remind you that actions speak louder than words? Remember how you usually just let whatever these older, wiser, more experienced others had to say go in one ear and out of the other? You should have listened!

I’m really tired of hearing about all the amazingly great things that those around me are doing for society. Reality check #1, if you’re out doing something “good” just so you can brag about it to your friends and those around you, then you’re not spreading anything remotely close to the love, kindness and compassion I previously mentioned. In fact, you’re doing the opposite. You’re trying to make yourself out to be better than the people you’re bragging to. You’re trying to make others feel less than what they are because they aren’t as awesome as you. Not really the outcome you should be after.

I recently read an amazing honest and truthful blog written by the incredibly talented Lindsey Nanette. The idea behind her post is that Love is the key to end hatred. I’ll not go into a lot of detail regarding the content of the post, instead you can read it here: http://memoirsofaprosetitute.wordpress.com/2014/03/20/goodbye-fred/. What I’m trying to do here is distinguish between the intention of love and the actual actions of love. I know many people who would do amazing things for the masses, if only… Unfortunately, I know that for all of their good intentions, no actions will ever materialize because these individuals have already placed restrictions on what they can achieve in certain circumstances. If you’re going to spread love, kindness and compassion, you can’t just do this every now and again. It has to be your way of life. It has to be a daily occurrence. You don’t need money (despite popular belief) to be nice. Example: I roll the window down to talk to the homeless guy that is always at the same intersection every day. Our 90 second conversations mean more to him than the $5 I am able to give him every week or so. It lets him know that someone cares enough to see him as a person. It reminds him that his life still has value to someone, even if not to him. Recognizing that he hasn’t been around for a few days lets him know that someone in this world is paying attention to him, if only for 90 seconds a day. (I use this example so as not to turn into the person I described above rattling off a list of good deeds I’ve done.)

Spreading love is as easy as helping someone you see struggling to carry a handful of items without dropping something. Spreading kindness is as simple as offering a tissue to the stranger who just sneezed that you’re now looking at as a threat to your immune system. Spreading compassion is as simple a rolling down a window – go back to my own personal example.

I say all of this just to try and get someone to understand that you can want to be a good person, you can want to make the world a better place, you can want to be a person that cares for humanity, you can want many things. If you don’t actively try to achieve these things, then you’re just blowing a lot of smoke into an already overly-polluted world. We don’t need smoke, we need action!

Side note – to the homeless guy that I mentioned, even if I knew your name, I wouldn’t have mentioned it ;)

Ridiculousness...

I really had to contemplate which direction to take on this subject. However, after witnessing pure ridiculousness on FB (yet again), I’ve decided to take the following route…

I’ve come to the conclusion that Facebook must have somehow been derived from the Latin words for hypocrisy and contradiction. For some reason, people have deemed it necessary to air all of their dirty laundry and woes on FB. If you’re going to complain about the behavior of others in such a public forum, please be prepared for people to be “in your business” and to behave in ways that they wouldn’t have the nerve to face to face. Geez, there are so many issues regarding this topic. I’ll do my best to stick to one or two.

Let me start off by saying that if you’re going to complain about a particular individual, one that will no doubt know that you are speaking of them, don’t try to cover it up and say you’re referring to a group of people and not just the individual. If you can be big enough to put it out there, be big enough to deal with the consequences. Second, if you’re complaining that your partner is behaving in a way that is not acceptable to you, please remember to check out your reflection before you post your feelings. I find it hilariously entertaining to read through posts on FB where one is complaining about the other, the other comments, then the one is saying “no, it’s not you, it’s everyone.” Then the other questions how many others there are, the one says I can only manage you, yet, there is evidence to the contrary…

How can anyone complain that the partner they have chosen isn’t perfect or ideal anymore when YOU are consistently trying to hook up with others… Hmm, pure ridiculousness.

Now, on to the other issue here – STOP, FOR THE LOVE OF HUMANITY, posting all your dang business on FB. I get it, FB allows you the freedom to express yourself. Guess what, so does your dang mouth. If you can’t communicate your feelings verbally, don’t pretend that you’re all brave by hiding behind FB. When will we as a society learn that social media works best when used to promote positive things? I mean, can YOU really be mad that someone comments on your very nasty (and in my opinion, trashy) post and calls you trash? I mean, you were just calling the individual trash in your post… Come on folks. Stop the madness. Get it together, quit being so self-absorbed and learn that you’re only going to get out of life what you put into it.

That’s all for now. I just couldn’t help myself. Ridiculousness on social media is at an all-time high this week, and here it is only MONDAY!

Let’s all go back to when we were 3 and the only problems in life were whether or not Bananas in Pajamas was coming on.  ;)

When you should know better...

We all know that envy is an ugly monster, right? How many of you would raise your hand if someone asked who was envious of another’s life? I would hope that most of us, myself included, would understand that being envious of another’s life is not a good thing. I like to think that I’m a firm believer in hard work and perseverance. If we work hard and try to continue reaching for the stars we’ll get there eventually. I also like to think that I’m mature enough to understand that each person has his or her own story and that what we see on the outside is not as dreamy as it looks. Everyone has their own demons and struggles that they have dealt with to get where they are, right?

So what do you do when you find yourself wishing that you were in another person’s shoes? What happens when, despite the fact that you know better, you find yourself jealous of the life/situation of another person? What do you do when you find yourself daydreaming about what your life would be like if you were in the other person’s situation?

This is a good time to inform you that I have no answer for this. This blog is merely an attempt to empty thoughts from my mind so that I may stop going over the situation in my brain.

Should you not try to remind yourself that all things happen for a reason? Should you not remind yourself that there is a reason you are in your situation and there is also a reason the other person is in theirs? It doesn’t matter that you feel like your chance at that life was cut short. It doesn’t matter that you feel like you should be the one in his or her place. The fact of the matter is that you’re not and there is a good reason for this, I’m sure. So how do you make yourself understand that there is a perfectly good reason for you not being in the situation you feel you should be? The only thing I can say is that you must somehow convince yourself that the reason (whatever it is) that you’re not in a situation you feel should be yours is a good one. That, or just continue to fake the funk and pretend that the situation you see in front of you doesn’t bother you. Either way, grow the hell up and keep moving. Stop wanting what isn’t yours or isn’t for you.

Speaking Spanglanese...

This CSA is based off of my own personal catastrophe…

Over the weekend, I had the pleasure of listening to my 2 year old son hold some very “serious” conversations with my 11 year old niece. While Colt seemed to know exactly what he was saying, Carli’s response was always, “Sir! I do not understand the language you are speaking!” After the first few responses from Carli, I informed her that the reason she didn’t understand Colt was because he was speaking Spanglanese… apparently this is his own language that makes all the sense in the world to him, but no sense to anyone else (except for me since I’m usually pretty good at figuring out what he is saying).

I’ve been told that I have been blessed with the ability to articulate my thoughts well. In most cases, this seems to be true. However, over the weekend I seem to have run into a couple of situations where although what I was saying made sense in my head, it DID NOT make sense to the other party involved. I’m taking full responsibility for this as I’m the one that’s having trouble communicating my thoughts. I should mention at this point that the entire conversations were had via text message… something I so don’t believe should be used to have serious conversations.  This being said, I’m afraid I may have altered a very good friendship that I’m not sure how to repair.

The lesson from all of this? There are two parts: 1) Never, ever, ever use text messages as a means for a serious conversation! Never! 2) Before having a conversation with someone, try thinking it through in your head, and if needed, again on paper (since obviously what makes sense in your head may not make any sense to someone else). If you find that the other party isn’t grasping what you’re trying to say, stop the conversation, re-evaluate what you’re saying, and start over with a different approach (if you’re allowed the chance).

The most important part of this CSA is that we should all realize that at some point in our lives, we are speaking Spanglanese. Once you realize this, it will be easier to handle stressful situations where you feel someone just isn’t listening to you. It may not be the other person, it may be that to them, what you’re saying is coming out in a language they just don’t understand.

The end. Hope this made sense and isn’t Spanglanese to those of you reading it.  J

First Impressions

Remember when, a long time ago, someone told you that first impressions are everything? Guess what, they are. In this day and age, people are quick to base their opinions on just about anything on their initial experience (i.e. first impression).

Let me state here that there are so many paths to take on this subject, however, I’m going to limit my comments to your own first impression. The one you portray to others.

If you don’t want to be classified as a particular sort of person, or stereotyped, then you should take care of how you portray yourself to others. Seriously, you’re grown, right? Stop getting upset when people treat you a certain way. Stop and look at yourself to figure out if the way people are treating you is directly affected by the way you portray yourself. (I’m going to list examples here. If you find yourself becoming offended, either stop reading or start taking a long hard look at yourself.) If you don’t take pride in the way you look, for example, people may take a first look at you and think that you’re a slob. (I’m not saying we don’t have days where we just are a mess… if you catch me in Wal-Mart on a Saturday, your reaction would probably be WTH!!) When people think of a slob, they think lazy. When people think of lazy, they think you’re not willing to put effort into anything. When people think this, there is a good chance that you won’t be on the top of their list when they are looking for someone to take charge and be a leader. Next in line… if you’re consistently seen with appears to be a scowl on your face, regardless of the reason, people will tend to think you’re a b…(I’m talking about myself here, lol). If people think this of you, they aren’t likely to approach you for anything. End of story. If you are someone that is consistently bragging about what you have and putting other people down for not achieving what you have, people will believe you’re arrogant. When people think arrogant, they think selfish. When people think selfish, they think you’re not willing to do anything that will directly benefit you therefore they will not come to you for anything. (This is a great way to turn off someone you’re trying to impress…) Finally, and here is where some of you will definitely get offended, if you don’t want people to associate you with trash or thug… STOP for the love of humanity, dressing and behaving in ways that feed into the stereotypes associated with such behavior.

I guess what I’m trying to get at here is that if you don’t want to be a stereotype, then stop using the stereotypes as an excuse to behave the way you do. Take pride in who you are and what you have to offer society. Learn to be a productive citizen of society. You start this process by really taking a long look at who you are, who you want to be and how you’re presenting yourself to others.
As always, if you’re needing some help with this, I’m always happy to dish out free advice…

"I'm just too busy!"

Please, to all of the people out there using the excuse that they are just too busy, stop with the tired out excuse. You really aren't as busy as you think you are. I'm currently a full time mom to an awesome little boy (a single full time mom), I work full time, I go to school full time, I'm also currently working on creating a website for our company, planning a community day event to benefit a local health clinic (this includes going around the community and physically talking to people to raise money and/or support) and working with an outside company to get a new database created/installed for work. Yet, I still find time to do the things that I find worthwhile. So if you're constantly using the I'm busy excuse as to why you can't do something, give me a call and I'll be more than willing to offer some free time management advice! I find that people ALWAYS make time for what they want  to make time for... something to think about?