The Extinction We Never Heard Of

Can someone please tell me what happened to courting? Do you even remember courting? You do know courting, right? In the romantic sense, I mean: courting - to seek the affections of; woo; to seek another's love.  I was never notified that the idea was extinct. There was no news bulletin, no FB post, no mass email or text message. Courting just became extinct while we were busy figuring out who we are and what we want out of life. We were too busy being selfish to realize that courting was slowly fading away, and like all great things, we don’t seem to notice its absence until it’s completely gone.

I’m trying to understand at what point this ‘dating’ thing became acceptable to our (my) generation. I’ve been told for a couple of years now to give online dating a try (since I’m not for meeting someone in a club or bar). I’ve been told to put myself out there (apparently I’ve become some sort of merchandise that I must market to the masses to find out if there are any interested parties). Well, I decided to take the advice of those who like to shyly remind me of my horrific single status. (Did you get that?) What I’ve found is that the idea of courting, something a hopeless romantic like myself still finds appealing, has become extinct. I’m still trying to figure out why this information was never made public. Here’s what I’ve found…

My generation of individuals have come to the conclusion that it’s perfectly acceptable to assume that a first date should take place at my residence (!) so that we can relax, watch a movie and get to know one another. I apologize, WHAT?!? Call me stubborn, call me a prude, or better yet – call me OLD FASHIONED. A first date does NOT include some strange person I don’t know coming over to my house to do who knows what to me or my home. Even more interesting is the fact that the suggestion of said first date is brought up the very first time we converse. What about me, after a five minute conversation, screams, “Hey, why don’t you just come on over right now?”

Also seemingly acceptable is the audacity of an individual to pry into my sexual life after asking if my name really is Aja. Hmm, I don’t even really know how to word my response. Let’s see, once again I apologize for finding this ridiculous. Please refer to the previous list of names that I approve of you calling me. Here’s my answer to your very probing and intimate questions – My level of freakiness is not of your concern at this time. How many times a day I want to have you “beat it up” is now zero. As for all of the other inappropriate questions, well, the non-disclosure I had to sign during my time at the Bunny Ranch prohibits me from discussing this information. Oh, and by the way, no. My name is really Antarctica, but Aja is oh so much easier to spell. WTH!

My all-time favorite are those people who put that they are looking for a long-term, serious relationship. The ones that want to find someone to marry. To those of you that blatantly lie in your profile – STOP. You’re not going to meet your future wife by starting off with this behavior. If in fact you are only looking for someone to make you feel good right now, this instant, with no threat of an actual relationship – please make the quick trip to Nevada. However, if you’re not able to afford that trip (the girls are more expensive than the flight and hotel combined), try one of those old school chat lines.

I guess my point in all of this is… well I’m not really sure. I just think that maybe if we as people took the time to actually get to know the person we are interested in, we wouldn’t be a generation of complete horn balls running around trying to find our next fix.

Try asking meaningful questions. Find out what my likes and interests are. Put some thought into our first meeting. If you’re not able to muster up that much energy, the played out dinner and a movie will do. At least you’re trying to make an effort. And before you throw out that tired old FWB approach, don’t. I have friends, and I’m sure if I needed the benefits, a few would be more than happy to oblige.

Now ladies, don’t go screaming Amen just yet. These fools didn’t just decide that this is how they will approach dating. We have to take responsibility for our part in this. We need to stop making this behavior acceptable. We have to realize our worth before we can expect anyone else to. Stop pretending that this sort of behavior is cute or welcome. Be a strong woman and stand up for what you want and what you believe in. I’m sure I’ve upset quite a few people on POF, and that’s fine with me. I don’t want a relationship with someone who is only after my lady parts and not ALL of me.

Relationships fall apart because the two involved aren’t willing to work through their differences (most of the time). If you’re not willing to work at trying to get to know someone, then you sure aren’t going to stick around when the real relationship trials begin.

Courting, please come back. We are in desperate need of your return!!

Actions vs. Intentions (inspired by Lindsey)

Here’s the thing… If you know me, if you follow the randomness that I write, if you take the time to talk to me about just about anything, what I’m about to write about will come as no surprise. If, however, you haven’t had the amazing opportunity to meet me (I’m really not so self-absorbed, quite the opposite – just keep reading), you’ll know what sort of person I am after reading this.

I find that we are in an era of spreading love, kindness, compassion and general good will towards others. Well, at least we like to say we are. Remember when you were younger, maybe you’re early adulthood, when those with a bit more life experience than you would kindly remind you that actions speak louder than words? Remember how you usually just let whatever these older, wiser, more experienced others had to say go in one ear and out of the other? You should have listened!

I’m really tired of hearing about all the amazingly great things that those around me are doing for society. Reality check #1, if you’re out doing something “good” just so you can brag about it to your friends and those around you, then you’re not spreading anything remotely close to the love, kindness and compassion I previously mentioned. In fact, you’re doing the opposite. You’re trying to make yourself out to be better than the people you’re bragging to. You’re trying to make others feel less than what they are because they aren’t as awesome as you. Not really the outcome you should be after.

I recently read an amazing honest and truthful blog written by the incredibly talented Lindsey Nanette. The idea behind her post is that Love is the key to end hatred. I’ll not go into a lot of detail regarding the content of the post, instead you can read it here: http://memoirsofaprosetitute.wordpress.com/2014/03/20/goodbye-fred/. What I’m trying to do here is distinguish between the intention of love and the actual actions of love. I know many people who would do amazing things for the masses, if only… Unfortunately, I know that for all of their good intentions, no actions will ever materialize because these individuals have already placed restrictions on what they can achieve in certain circumstances. If you’re going to spread love, kindness and compassion, you can’t just do this every now and again. It has to be your way of life. It has to be a daily occurrence. You don’t need money (despite popular belief) to be nice. Example: I roll the window down to talk to the homeless guy that is always at the same intersection every day. Our 90 second conversations mean more to him than the $5 I am able to give him every week or so. It lets him know that someone cares enough to see him as a person. It reminds him that his life still has value to someone, even if not to him. Recognizing that he hasn’t been around for a few days lets him know that someone in this world is paying attention to him, if only for 90 seconds a day. (I use this example so as not to turn into the person I described above rattling off a list of good deeds I’ve done.)

Spreading love is as easy as helping someone you see struggling to carry a handful of items without dropping something. Spreading kindness is as simple as offering a tissue to the stranger who just sneezed that you’re now looking at as a threat to your immune system. Spreading compassion is as simple a rolling down a window – go back to my own personal example.

I say all of this just to try and get someone to understand that you can want to be a good person, you can want to make the world a better place, you can want to be a person that cares for humanity, you can want many things. If you don’t actively try to achieve these things, then you’re just blowing a lot of smoke into an already overly-polluted world. We don’t need smoke, we need action!

Side note – to the homeless guy that I mentioned, even if I knew your name, I wouldn’t have mentioned it ;)