Be True To You.

Seriously, this seems so basic. Shouldn’t we all already know to stay true to ourselves? This seems like the most common of common sense ideas. Yet…

You guessed it; I for one have a really hard time being true to myself. If you’re honest with yourself, you probably do, too. As will all of these ideas, let me use myself as an example.

I recently had to remove myself from a situation. I stepped away from an actual relationship - one with someone of the opposite sex. A romantic(ish) relationship. This was so difficult to do. I fought with myself back and forth for a while over ending it. There was nothing really wrong. He is kind, caring, and selfless. Unfortunately, he wasn’t for me. He wanted to be. He convinced himself that I was the best thing to ever happen to him. He just knew that I would be his happily ever after.

Please keep in mind that this entire relationship started and ended in a month’s time. Yes. A month. Talk about moving at warp speed.

Anyway, this guy, he was super nice. So selfless that when asked what made him happy, his only answer was anything that made me happy. After several conversations that all ended with him just agreeing with anything I said, I realized that no matter how much I want a real relationship, no matter how badly I want someone to love me and my son, this wasn’t going to be it. Y’all, I literally argued with myself about this realization for days. DAYS!

No matter how much I didn’t want to hurt this guy’s feelings, I had to. I also realized that his affection for me wasn’t exactly true, either. I found that he was so set on having a relationship and settling down (his words) that it didn’t necessarily have to be me he was with. He seriously said he loved me before we ever went on a date or spent any actual time together. He never seemed interested in getting to know me; just in saying he had a girlfriend and trying to rush into next level things. I’m not going to go into the details because it really creeps me out now that I think about it all more.

The point here is that this guy wants the idea of something so badly that he’s willing to jump right in, head first, eyes closed, full speed. For me, relationships take time. Time to learn about each other, time to grow – individually and together – time to figure out if each person can deal with the other’s little quirks. Unfortunately, no matter how many times I asked him to slow down, to not be pushy, he’d just agree and then go right back to pushing, moving forward. At first I went along with it all – because yeah, a relationship. Something I’ve wanted for so long was right there in front of me. I know without a doubt that no matter what I asked or said, this guy would give and agree.  He would do anything I said just because he was scared to lose me. Then I realized how unfair it all was. The whole thing was unfair to both of us. It’s unfair to me because I couldn’t picture a lifelong relationship with this guy. That feeling you get when the love of your life is near you – the one that gives you goosebumps and makes you wonder how you ever got so lucky – that feeling just isn’t there for me. (I’m not arguing this point by the way. I truly believe that everyone who is with the person they are meant to be with has a feeling when that person is near them. If you don’t think that’s necessary, then you’ll need to re-read this post a few times to truly understand the point.)

I realized that it isn’t fair to the guy to allow him to continue to pretend that he finally found the perfect relationship, what he’s been after for so long, if I’m not willing to give 100% to it. And finally, it sure as hell isn’t fair to my son to allow him to become attached to someone that I know damn good and well I’m not interested in being with long term.  I’m telling you, I’m still torn over the idea that I broke this guy’s heart, or at least hurt his feelings. He’s really a nice guy, and I really don’t like hurting people. I just know in my heart, in being honest with myself, that this guy isn’t IT for me. I pray he can forgive me, I pray I can forgive myself. I’m just choosing to not settle. I’m choosing to listen to who I am and what I truly want. I’m being true to myself.

All of this is to say, be true to you. Figure out who you are. Figure out what you truly want. Go after it. No matter how long it takes, even when it all seems pointless, NEVER SETTLE. Like the picture says, “if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.” You can do this. It will be hard. I just know without a doubt, being true to you WILL BE WORTH IT.

Much Love

#KindnessAlways #DontBeAnAsshat #BeTrueToYou

W.O.R.K.

So this is another one that really hits home for me. I’ll go ahead and tell you now that I’m not great at putting in the work in areas that I probably need it the most. I suppose that makes me a work in progress…

We have all heard that anything worth having takes work. This is easy to understand in relation to monetary things. If you want to be financially successful, you will have to work. If you want the nice house, the nice car, the nice clothes – guess what. WORK.

Here’s where I got blindsided, and some of you may realize it’s the same for you – my own happiness and peace take WORK. Seriously, why this never crossed my mind earlier in life is beyond me. I’ve always given everything I have to any job I’ve been tasked with. I pride myself on my work ethic and my go-getter when it comes to actual jobs, paid or volunteer. Yet, I was never fully ok with myself. I never seemed to have a sense of fulfillment. Then it hit me (thanks to a small kick in the behind from my amazing cousin), I have to WORK at being the me that I want to be. My happiness is a result of my own effort at being happy. My peace has a direct connection to the amount of work I put in to being peaceful.  My attitude, either positive or negative, is the result of how much work (or lack of) I put into creating the attitude I want to have.

Here’s the wake-up call…

In order to become the person you want to be, you have to put in work. Work on yourself.

In order to have the life you want, you have to put in work. Work on your life.

Without ACTIVELY working on yourself, and your life, nothing will change. You will not accomplish the things you want for your life without putting in the work. I say ACTIVELY because let’s be honest, it’s one thing to post the positive saying every day – IT’S A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THING TO ACTUALLY PRACTICE POSITIVITY. I’m guilty of this. I’m all about just ‘pretending’ to be the me I want to be, when in actuality, I’m still allowing outward circumstances and events to keep me from truly being the happy, positive, loving life person I want to be. I’m lying to myself if I think that just forwarding something positive in the morning will make me different. If I’m still angry at the world, or the day, or myself – I’m not ACTIVELY working on being better.

How do we do the WORK? Well, since I’m not actually an all-knowing being, I don’t have the answer for everyone. The WORK we must do is different for everyone. For me, it’s finding just one little reason to be happy for the day. I may have to do this multiple times throughout the day. When something not great occurs, I have to make myself find something to be happy about.  When I get sucked into the spiral of self-pity, I have to actively remind myself to find 1 thing to be grateful for each day. When I find myself passing judgement on a person or situation, I have to make myself choose to consider the circumstances and to be more compassionate and less judgmental.

The key here is to figure out who you want to be. Figure out what sort of life you want to have. Then create a working plan to achieve what you’ve decided you want for you. Be sure to remember this – YOU ARE NEVER ALONE IN THE JOURNEY. Find a group or a tribe – I can suggest a few – and be strong in yourself and ask for help when necessary.

Much Love!

#KindnessAlways #DontBeAnAsshat #DoYourWork