Swimming Lessons

I read something somewhere that really struck a nerve: ‘Stop taking swimming lessons from people who are drowning.’

Please read it again! 

Understand that the saying isn’t about literal swimming. This is about life. When I stopped to contemplate this seemingly very simple statement, I realized that if we’re not careful we may very well end up doing more harm by asking for/giving advice to others.

This is a two-part situation. So here we go!

First - Don’t go asking for advice on your life from just anyone. Be sure to know who and where your advice is coming from. We all have friends, acquaintances, and people around us. Just because we surround ourselves with people we choose, doesn’t mean the people are the RIGHT people to be going to for advice. I’ll admit, this first part isn’t so difficult for me to follow. I’m super picky about where I ask for advice. Mainly because I don’t discuss personal matters with just anyone (this is and will be an entirely separate CSA). Before going to someone for advice, consider what you know about the individual. Example: If you’re asking for advice on how to deal with a strong-willed toddler – you’re not going to ask advice of someone with no children. If you’re looking for advice on how to be financially successful – you’re not going to ask someone living in the same situation as yourself (paycheck to paycheck). The point being, stop going to people with no experience in the things you’re needing advice about. This is the equivalent of taking swimming lessons from someone who is drowning. You’re not going to learn to swim. Instead, you’ll both end up at the bottom.

Second – STOP giving advice on things you’re not qualified to give advice about. Let’s say your friend is needing advice on how to deal with their strong-willed toddler. If you haven’t dealt with a toddler – on a daily basis – DO NOT try to give advice on how to deal with the said toddler. If your friend has a child that is acting a bit out of control, please DO NOT give advice on how your friend should deal with this child if your child is putting you through the same sort of situation. I.E. don’t try to tell someone how to discipline their child if your child is also out of control and you’re not able to resolve your own situation.

The thing to remember here is that yes, we are all human. We all offer advice, usually out of love and what we think is a kindness. However, please understand that the advice you’re offering isn’t always what the other person needs. If you’re not an expert (and guess what, there are actual experts that can give you helpful advice for just about anything), please don’t try to point out what others are doing wrong in situations that you think they should do differently. ESPECIALLY DO NOT do this if your advice is just your way of avoiding your own problems.

We all need love and understanding. We are all capable of love and understanding. Leave the advice giving to those that are qualified for it. If you’re the one receiving/requesting the advice, just be sure to consider the source before requesting actual advice.

Try to avoid taking swimming lessons from someone that is drowning.

Much love!

#KindnessAlways #DontBeAnAsshat #JustKeepSwimming

F*#% FEAR!

I updated my cover photo on FB yesterday. It’s a simple photo, with a simple message – ‘Your wound is probably not your fault, but your healing is your responsibility.’ This message got me thinking. Y’all know what happens when I start thinking… yep, a whole new CSA!

We all have wounds (the emotional ones are what I’m talking about here). Most of us didn’t create these wounds ourselves. Here’s the kicker though… we are the reason the wounds won’t heal. These emotional wounds may seem to heal, yet in reality, they’ve only been covered by an emotional scab. If we really look at the wound, it opens back up and we feel all of the same emotions we felt when these wounds were created. Here’s the insanely simple reason why – FEAR.

Of course, I’ll use myself as an example (I’m sure you’ll find pieces of yourself in this tale). It’s no secret that I’ve not been successful with personal relationships. I’ve been through multiple breakups that left me with a sense of unworthiness, a sense of emptiness. At one point, the darkness took over and I contemplated no longer existing. After fighting my way out of that bad place, I decided I would never allow anyone or anything to make me feel that way again. My solution? Push that feeling and that time so far to the depths of my core that it’s lost from sight. Ignore it. Pretend it didn’t exist. Remove me from any situation that would even have the possibility of ending the way the others did. Basically… I’ve closed myself off to the idea of a relationship. I’ve hidden away. I’ve refused to even entertain the idea of getting close to anyone. Want to know where this has gotten me? NO F’ING WHERE. Wait, does miserable count? That’s about all it amounts to. I’ve allowed my fear of getting hurt, my fear of not having my feelings reciprocated, to push me to the point of misery. Instead of dealing with the hurt, I’ve pushed it out of sight and closed myself off from the possibility of a real relationship.

Seriously, how in the hell does this even make any sense. It’s so much more ridiculous seeing it on paper!! Hey, I got my heart broken a couple of times, so now I’ll just deprive myself of what I want most in life – because I’m scared to get hurt. Y’all, I’m seriously laughing hysterically in my head right now. If any of my friends told me this I would more than likely slap the mess out of them and start laughing. Yet, here I am letting my fear of heartache keep me from finding my own happiness. This is the most ridiculous shit I’ve heard in a while. Seriously.

The craziness gets better. This act of closing myself off to opportunities spills over to my professional life also. I’ve become so used to just being that I’ve stopped pursuing more. Really it boils down to a FEAR of failure. Thinking I’m not good enough to advance, I’m not qualified for what I want (mind you, I know damn good and well that I can and will achieve anything I set out to accomplish), I have just stopped trying. What kind of insanity is this? Who just stops trying to be better because they are scared of failure??? Me, and quite possibly, most of you reading this. Here’s the thing, let’s stop being ridiculous. Let’s pull up our grown-up undies, kick ourselves in the ass, and move forward. Personally, professionally. Whatever it is that you’ve allowed your FEAR to stop you from doing, STOP YOUR FEAR. Find you a good support system (I’m always here if you need). Say a prayer, grab your rabbit’s foot, and step out on faith. Jump, Leap, Crawl – Just show your FEAR that you are stronger than it is. We can do this together!

Step one for me – say yes to the date invitation. Check (Y'all, I’m scared shitless about this!)

Step two for me – go after what will make you happy professionally (working on this, and yes I’m super scared).

While I’m not a fan of the cliché New Year New Me, it seems that this is exactly what we all need to do. New Year – No FEAR!

Much Love!

#KindessAlways #DontBeAnAsshat #F&#%FEAR