Listening Instead of Hearing

So the last one of these that I wrote revolved around me actually listening to someone else talk to me about my personal flaws. I must admit, I was extremely impressed by the amount of bravery displayed by the other individual.

I’m happy to inform you all that I have been actively working on those things that were seen as flaws. I was able to sit back, evaluate the information I was given, and make a conscious decision to make myself a better person, and in turn creating a positive turn of events in my personal relationship with the other individual.

I listened. I didn’t just hear what the individual had to say, I listened.

What happens when someone you’re having a discussion with doesn’t listen? I have recently been speaking with a friend of mine regarding a situation that the friend is dealing with. This friend has reached a point in life that requires self-reflection and action. The friend has also realized that in order to make the changes necessary, other individuals will need to be removed from the friend’s life and some require a sit down conversation about how they make my friend feel and how my friend needs them to behave to remain close to my friend.

YES, I KNOW I’M BEING VAGUE HERE. I’M NOT IN THE BUSINESS OF TELLING OTHER PEOPLE’S STORIES. I’M IN THE BUSINESS OF TELLING MINE. I DON’T FIND IT NECESSARY FOR EVERYONE TO KNOW WHO OR WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT. THESE BLOGS ARE MORE ABOUT THE LESSONS AND NOT THE PEOPLE INVOLVED. THANKS FOR UNDERSTANDING.

So, my friend has the inevitable conversation with the other individual. My friend tells me that it was very obvious at what point the other individual was no longer listening to what my friend had to say. My friend explained to me that while it is hard to determine whether the other individual took any of the conversation seriously, my friend is optimistic that things in their relationship will improve. Now, while I pray that all turns out well and an outcome that my friend will find positive becomes the result of the conversation, I did warn my friend to be prepared for nothing to change at all. I explained to my friend that it sounds like the other individual was hearing my friend speak, just not actually listening.

After having this discussion with my friend, I was brought back to my own conversation with the individual mentioned in my last blog. I realized that while I’m working to resolve those things about myself that actually are worth resolving, I’m not sure the other person is doing the same. Granted, I only had one issue with the individual. So you think it would be super easy for the individual to only work on one thing, right? Yeah, not so much. I’m realizing that while I’m trying my best to improve myself for the sake of others, others are not so quick to improve themselves for my sake. (This is how I get to the conclusion that I’m not as important to others as they are to me.)

In case you’ve missed it while reading this… the lesson here is that when someone becomes brave enough to talk to you about things that are difficult to discuss (usually for fear of ruining a relationship), please, LISTEN. 

Don’t just hear them speak and tune them out. I KNOW it’s hard to listen to someone tell you about yourself. No one wants to hear someone other than their own self tell them about the flaws that they are trying so hard to cover up.

Hell, the hardest thing I’ve done so far in my life is listen to someone tell me that I’m not a good parent, that I’m not a relationship material and that I’m not physically appealing enough. After getting over the initial instinct to KILL, I was able to walk away, contemplate what was told to me, and come to the realization that the reason I was being told these things is because the other person cares about me enough to want me to be a better me.

If someone can actually sit down with you and discuss what they need from, please, LISTEN.

If someone can come to you to explain to you that you’re behavior makes them feel less than worthy, please, LISTEN.

If I come to you, and I tell you, with all the fear of the world in my heart, that I need your attention...

If I tell you that I need your compassion, your affection, your love… PLEASE LISTEN.

If someone is handing over to you all that they need to continue to be in your life, for the love of God, LISTEN.